Rantings of an Arranged Mind

This is the last day of my twenties. Tomorrow I turn thirty. Some people describe this as a milestone of sorts. Three decades. In today's society of extended adolescence, some might say it's the new adulthood. You're no longer a kid fresh out of school. You're really a grown-up.

My own experience is that this is a load of crap. I haven't seen any noticeable change in my thinking, sense of responsibility or emotional values in a long time. By and large, I'm still very similar to the person I was at age five and age ten. Of course, back then people described me as "Yoda" and a "little old man" so maybe I was just ahead of the curve.

I already had a sense of what life was supposed to be like. I'd known about death since the age of two, when my paternal grandfather died. I faced it again with uncles and my maternal grandfather over the course of my childhood. I knew about mortality. I also knew about responsibility, taking care of younger siblings and getting good grades in school and doing my chores. I understood those things. I had the advantage of being highly intellectual and autistic, so of course when I learned things I learned them thoroughly.

High school was a little shaky because I had to learn about socializing differently with my peer group. They were finally starting to mature, which started first with teenage rebellion, parties and dating and then slowly became more about adult responsibility over the course of our university years. But I didn't have the fun, carefree twenties people talk about.

I saw more than twenty people close to me and my family die. I got married and had three kids and saw our families deal with drugs, death, medical problems, divorces and pregnancies. The world saw terrorism, economic collapse, tsunamis and earthquakes and political change. There was nothing easy about the last decade.

So I don't think tomorrow is that big a deal. It's just a cultural standpoint, a place to look back and reflect, and then look forward and plan. Like New Year's Resolutions, a cultural tradition I regularly ignore, because I engage in that kind of introspection all the time, and change occurs every day.

If there's anything I'm certain about it's that life is uncertain.